Six Months: From theory to therapy

--English version available below--

Moin! Ga terasa udah enam bulan tinggal di Jerman. Buanyak banget yang udah terjadi, termasuk range emosi yang belum pernah gua rasa. Tapi, dari semua itu, gua bersyukur bisa melewati semester pertama ini dengan baik. Yeay! Gua mau berbagi tentang apa aja yang udah terjadi enam bulan belakangan, yang sebagian besar tentang pendidikan/studi.

Disclaimer dulu, poin-poin tentang pendidikan di bawah ini akan tidak apple-to-apple, karena S2 di LN dan S1 di DN tentu berbeda secara sistem. Ditambah, studi S1 dua belas tahun lalu kondisinya udah beda sama S1 sekarang. Jadi, di sini fokus gua adalah cerita tentang hal-hal baru di luar zona akrab.

1. Baca +100 halaman tiap minggu

Di jurusan gua, tiap matkul biasanya ada PR baca 1-2 jurnal per minggunya. Semester ini, gua ambil 4 matkul. Jadi, tiap minggu wajib baca jurnal minimal 100 halaman. Awal-awal baca jurnal itu lamaaa banget. Ditambah beberapa penulis pake kosakata akademik yang ga umum, dan bikin gua menggerutu, Kenapa sih harus pake istilah ini sedangkan ada padanan kata yang lebih gampang??? Bukankah pemerataan pengetahuan itu dimulai dari penggunaan bahasa yang mudah dimengerti oleh rakyat jelata???  (note to myself to learn more, I know)

Jurnal ini nantinya akan dibahas di kelas dan didiskusiin bareng. Jadi, kalo ga baca jurnal ya agak ngang-ngong. Kalo jaman S1 dulu, gua jarang dikasih PR baca jurnal, melainkan PR teknis yang jawab soal-soal. Kalo sekarang, PRnya ngajak kita berpikir lebih analitis, kritis, dan sistematis.

2. Kelas kecil, diskusi lebih intens

Di kelas yang gua ambil, isinya sekitar 7-12 orang. Karena jumlah kecil, diskusi di kelas bisa lebih intensif dan semua mahasiswa hampir kebagian ngomong/beropini. Diskusinya juga kondusif, inklusif, dan efektif. Semua boleh berpendapat. Sekonyol apapun itu. Ga ada yang benar atau salah. Yang ada adalah keberanian buat bersuara dan kemauan berpikir kritis. Tentu beda dengan S1 gua dulu yang rata-rata isinya 30 orang. Kalo kelas besar bisa sampe 100 orang. Tipe komunikasinya juga masih kebanyakan satu arah yaitu dosen jelasin di depan kelas.

Selain itu, vibe-nya juga beda. Kelas di sini, walaupun institusi formal, suasananya rileks dan playful. Kalo durasinya panjang, kaya 3 jam, biasanya suka ada ice breaking. Walaupun suasananya rileks, mahasiswa tetep profesional dan jaga batasan sama dosen. Kalo dulu, kerasa banget hirarkinya antara mahasiswa dan dosen (mungkin gua doang ya karena gua tipe yang ga deket sama dosen).

3. S2 sebagai terapi

Ini poin yang personal banget buat gua, dan masih nyambung sama poin sebelumnya. Yep, S2 itu separuh jalannya bagaikan terapi buat gua. Yang gua maksud terapi di sini adalah ngebiasain diri buat menyampaikan pendapat atau bertanya. Tumbuh di lingkungan parenting VOC, dari kecil gua ga dibiasain buat beropini karena ruangnya ga diciptakan. Jarang ditanya mau apa, lebih pilih mana dan kenapa, atau gimana perasaannya. Terlebih lagi di budaya gua, budaya Jawa, yang menjunjung tinggi nilai “manut (patuh) sama orang tua”. Jadinya jarang memutuskan sesuatu berdasarkan kemauan sendiri.

Pas udah gede, baru kerasa deh, sulit maju kalo masih punya kebiasaan ini. Pun, kalo ada kesempatan ngomong, gua kaya keburu-buru gitu, ngomong biar cepet selesai aja, bukan bener-bener terlibat sepenuhnya di percakapan. Nah, pas S2, gua berpikir, ga bisa nih begini terus. Mau ga mau gua harus ngebiasain berpendapat atau bertanya. Untungnya, dan syukurnya, iklim di sini mendukung. Dosen, temen kelas, dan lingkungannya bikin gua ngerasa aman dan nyaman buat bersuara. Walau kadang ga lancar juga karena harus pake bahasa Inggris.

4. Budaya dan bahasa baru

Jerman ini negara baru buat gua. Pengetahuan yang gua punya tentang Jerman sebatas tembok Berlin dan Presiden ke-3 RI, alm. Pak Habibie, yang sekolah tinggi di sini dan punya kontribusi besar buat pengembangan teknologi transportasi Jerman. Karena minim info ini, gua agak kesulitan pas mau bikin research project di Jerman. Tema apa ya yang cocok, budayanya kaya gimana di sini, tantangan apa yang sebenarnya mereka hadapi karena sehari-hari keliatannya semua berjalan lancar. Sedangkan di Indonesia, ada banyak topik yang terlintas di benak gua, yang bisa disasar buat program penelitian.

Terkait bahasa, kalo boleh ngulang, gua akan lancarin bahasa Jerman dulu sebelum berangkat sekolah. Kenapa? Biar lebih lancar selama beraktivitas dan ngebuka lebih banyak kesempatan. Ga cuma mit karte, bitte, doang. Misalnya, gua mau ikut ekskul ini itu tapi bahasa pengantarnya rata-rata Jerman. Ada sih yang bahasa Inggris, tapi terbatas banget.

5. Solusi semu krisis iklim

Pas baca-baca jurnal tentang lingkungan, krisis iklim, kapitalisme, sejarahnya, dan teori-teorinya, jujur gua frustrasi. Gua frustrasi karena semua ini ternyata udah sistemik dan struktural, termasuk kenapa alam bisa rusak parah kaya gini. Ga ada solusi buat krisis iklim kecuali gerakan/perubahan yang bener-bener radikal dan menyeluruh. Di satu sisi, waktu itu gua berangkat sekolah dengan semangat 45, semangat buat belajar tentang lingkungan dengan harapan bisa ngasih sedikit kontribusi ke arah yang lebih baik. Sekarang jadi hopeless deh HAHAHA. Ga deng. Buat saat ini, mungkin petuah dari Kinan yang bisa bikin gua sedikit lebih tenang. Bisa baca di sini. But, again, let’s see :) Perjalanan masih panjang.

6. Kearifan lokal, kembali ke asal

Ada satu momen yang bikin gua sadar. Waktu itu gua lagi cari topik buat tugas makalah tentang hubungan manusia dan alam, sampe akhirnya ketemu sama konsep Degrowth. Intinya, konsep ini ngajak kita buat ngurangin produksi dan konsumsi, dan lebih fokus ke interaksi sosial atau aktivitas bareng komunitas. Pas lagi nyari studi kasus, gua sadar kalo praktik Degrowth ini ternyata bukan hal baru. Praktik ini udah dilakuin sama masyarakat adat dari dulu, termasuk di Indonesia. Di situ gua langsung terlintas: 1) Yailah ini mah udah dilakuin sama suku-suku adat di sini. 2) Mungkin solusi krisis iklim itu ga melulu soal teknologi canggih, tapi belajar lagi kearifan lokal yang ada di sekitar. Mereka adalah garda terdepan penjaga alam—dan seharusnya juga kita semua.

7. Ramadhan di perantauan

Ini pertama kali gua menjalani bulan Ramadhan full di luar negeri. Kali ini puasanya mirip kaya di Indo, sekitar 13 jam. Hari-hari awal masih oke walaupun susah bangun pas sahur, jadinya ke-skip terus, wkwk. Memasuki hari ketujuh, mulai muncul perasaan kangen sama suasana Ramadhan di Indo. Mulai dari lagu Maher Zain di emol-emol, ngabuburit, berburu takjil, abang jualan dadakan, buber, mudik, kue-kue lebaran, dan segala pernak-perniknya. Huaaa pokoknya kangen banget! Kita lihat tahun depan apakah perasaan ini berubah.

 

Ditulis saat hari cerah tanpa awan, langit biru, dan bunga-bunga mulai bermekaran. Selamat datang, musim semi!

Cerita sebelumnys:
Moin! My First Month in Germany
Three Months: Too complex terms?

 

Moin! It’s been six months living in Germany, and so much has happened! I experienced many things for the first time, including range of emotions I never felt before. But, overall, I feel grateful to survive my first semester well. Yeay! I wanted to share a bit about what’s been going on lately, mostly the education/study side. Disclaimer first: my points about education below won’t be an apple-to-apple comparison because doing a master’s study abroad and a bachelor's study in the home country are technically different. Plus, my undergrad was 12 years ago, which was probably different than current undergrad study. So, my focus here is just sharing stories I have experienced outside my comfort zone.

1. Reading +100 pages every week

In my program, every module usually assigns 1-2 journals to read per week. This semester, I took 4 modules, so I must read at least 100 pages every week. At the beginning, it took me so long to get through one. Plus, some authors loved using unusual terms or vocab, which made me grumpy, Why use these “big words” when there’s a much simpler way to say it? Isn’t the point of knowledge to be accessible and easily understood by regular people? (note to myself to learn more, I know)

These journals are then discussed in class. So, if I don’t read them, I will be lost. Back in my undergrad days, we rarely had this kind of homework, mostly answering question-type homework. Now, the homework really encourages us to think more analytically, critically, and systematically.

2. Small classes, intense discussions

In the classes I chose, there were about 7-12 students. Given the small number, discussions got pretty intense, and almost everyone had a chance to speak. The vibe was also conducive, inclusive, and effective. Everyone is allowed to have an opinion or ask something. No matter how silly it might sound. There’s no right or wrong; it’s all about the courage to speak up and being willing to think critically. This style was absolutely different from my undergrad, where classes averaged 30 students. Moreover, big lectures could have up to 100 students. Also, it was mostly one-way communication where the lecturer talked in front of the class and us just listened.

The vibe here is also different. Even though it’s a formal institution, the atmosphere is relaxed and playful. If a class is long, like 3 hours, we sometimes have an icebreaker. But although it’s chill, students stay professional and maintain boundaries with the professors. Back home, I could feel the “hierarchical” vibe between students and lecturers (or maybe that was just me since I wasn’t a student who got close with the lecturers).

3. Grad school as therapy

This is a truly personal point for me. To be honest, half of this Master’s journey is like therapy. What I mean by therapy here is the process of getting used to expressing my opinion or asking questions. Growing up in the strict (Asian tiger) parenting style, I wasn’t encouraged to have an opinion because the room wasn’t created. I was rarely asked what I wanted, what I preferred and why, and how I felt. Moreover, my cultural roots as a Javanese put a high value on “obeying parents”. Thus, I rarely decided something on my own.

Now that I’m older, I realise how hard it is to move forward with that mindset. Even when I did have a chance to speak, I’d rush through it just to get it done, rather than actually engaging in the conversation. In grad school, I told myself: I can’t keep doing this. I have to force myself to express opinions or ask some questions, like it or not. Luckily, and gratefully, the atmosphere here was so supportive. My lecturers, classmates, and the environment made me feel safe and comfortable to use my voice. Although sometimes I still find difficulty because it’s in English.

4. New culture and language

Germany is a brand new world for me. Before this, my knowledge of the country was limited to the Berlin Wall and our 3rd President, the late Pak Habibie, who studied here and contributed significantly to German transport tech. Because of this limitation, I struggled a bit when determining a new research project here. I was wondering, what theme fits, what kind of culture people have, and what struggles they actually face because everything looks running smoothly. Meanwhile, if I have to do it in my home country, I’d have many ideas for research topics as there are still many areas I could address.

Regarding the language, if I could rewind the journey, I would definitely be fluent in German first before moving here. Why? To make daily life smoother and open up more opportunities. For example, I wanted to join some sport activities in the uni, but most of them used German. Some were in English but very limited.

5. An illusion for a climate crisis solution

Reading journals about the environment, climate crisis, capitalism, and all the histories and theories behind them has been… honestly, frustrating. It’s frustrating to realise how systemic and structural all of this is, including why the environment has been so badly degraded. There was no real solution to the climate crisis unless a radical movement/change at all levels. On one hand, before I came here, my spirit was high, believing that I could at least contribute or do better for this world. But now, I feel hopeless HAHAHA. Just kidding. Maybe, for now, Kinan’s words are the only thing that helped me stay a bit calmer. Read it here. But, again, let’s see :) My journey ahead is still long.

6. Local wisdom, back to the root

There was one moment that really hit me. I was researching some topics for my term paper assignment on the human-nature relationship when I discovered the concept of Degrowth. In short, Degrowth focuses on reducing production and consumption, and emphasises more social interaction and communal life. While looking for case studies, I realised this concept has been practiced by many indigenous groups and local communities, including in Indonesia. I was thinking: 1) Hey, it’s not new. It’s been implemented by indigenous groups for a hundred years. 2) Maybe, the solution to the climate crisis isn’t always about technological advancement, but rather relearning from local wisdom/knowledge right in front of us. They are the frontline guardians of nature—and honestly, we all are.

7. Ramadhan far from home

This is my first time having a full month of Ramadhan abroad. Thankfully, the fasting duration is similar to Indonesia, about 13 hours. The first few days were fine, though waking up for sahur (pre-dawn meal) was a struggle, so I skipped it. Day 7, “the Ramadhan atmosphere in Indonesia” started hitting hard. I missed the Ramadhan songs played in the shopping centers, ngabuburit (spending time before Iftar), takjil (snacks for Iftar) war, emergent food/drink tenants, buber (having Iftar together with friends or families), mudik (visiting hometown), Eid cookies, and all the details. I missed it all so much... let’s see if I feel the same way next year.

 

Written on a bright, cloudless day, with blue skies and flowers starting to bloom. Welcome, Spring!

Previous stories:
Moin! My First Month in Germany
Three Months: Too complex terms?