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I Found Me

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Five years have passed since my worst heartbreak in late 2017. Since then, I learned a lot about myself and life. I also met many people from diverse personalities and backgrounds who gave me new insights and broadened my perspectives. Through all moments that have happened, I gained one important lesson: I realized meeting him is a path I should go through to create a better me. So, here’s what I learned throughout my journey. Lesson 1: Know your values and boundaries Values and boundaries were something I didn’t pay much attention back then, especially in a relationship. The focus of the relationship was how to make him happy, even though I had to break my boundaries. One day, we ran together in the morning. After that, his friend suddenly invited my ex to an engagement party. Without even taking a shower after a sweaty run, we attended. Then we continued hanging out with his circle at the engagement party until evening. I knew I wanted to spend time as much as possible with my e
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2022: Back on Feet

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I want to begin with “2022 was a roller coaster for me” before I realize I have the same opening for the 2021 reflection post, LOL. But maybe it’s true, each year has its own roller coaster, its ups and downs, its laughs and tears. For me, the roller coaster was my skin breakout. But, despite the hard moments, I still experienced many good things in 2022 which makes me smile every time I reminisce about it. So, thanks 2022! Skin Breakout I started the year by having the worst breakout on my face, ever, and I wouldn’t lie that it brought me down at that time. My confidence level dropped drastically. It felt like it was not easy to be my own self. I googled my skin condition and tried many skincare products. Some worked, but most did not. Long story short, I visited a professional and my skin improved. The problem was when I no longer used the topical medicine from the doctor, the tiny bumps came back. I was truly confused, didn’t know what to do anymore. Sometimes I was thinking tha
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Semangkuk Mi Hangat

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“What’s on your mind?” tanya gua secara random di tiga kilometer terakhir menuju basecamp . “Mmm... Capek,” jawab Arkha singkat. “What about you?” dia bertanya balik. “Indomie.” Arkha tertawa mendengar jawaban gua. Gua pun ikut tertawa. Siapa yang tidak memikirkan semangkuk mi hangat plus cabe rawit iris di tengah dinginnya gunung dengan ketinggian 3.000-an mdpl. Weekend ini, seperti weekend yang lalu-lalu, gua dan Arkha trail run ke gunung. Kami sama-sama setuju kalau tiga kilometer di gunung itu sangat berbeda dengan di kota. Kalau jalan di gunung, entah mengapa rasanya lama banget. Sampai akhirnya gua bosan dan melontarkan pertanyaan random itu pada Arkha. Sesampainya di basecamp , kami menuju satu warung tempat kami memarkir mobil. Gua sudah membayangkan nikmatnya menyantap mi hangat di cuaca dingin begini. Ditambah perut gua lagi laper banget setelah trail run 16 kilometer. Rencana gua adalah pesan mi sebelum mandi. Jadi, minya udah siap setelah gua mandi, gak perlu
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Perkara Beri Kabar

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Bulan Juni, ibu akhirnya berangkat haji. Setelah tertunda tiga tahun akibat pandemi. Bahagia dan lega tergambar jelas di wajah ibu yang sudah menanti-nanti ke tanah suci. Seperti setumpuk rindu yang terbayarkan. Sayangnya, ibu pergi sendiri. Bapak tidak bisa berangkat tahun ini karena terbentur satu aturan dari Pemerintah Arab Saudi: Khusus tahun ini, usia peserta haji maksimal 65 tahun per akhir Juni 2022. Bapak kelebihan sembilan bulan. Setiap hari, bapak dan ibu berkomunikasi via WhatsApp. Video call sesekali, tapi kebanyakan ngobrol di chat . Biasanya ibu kasih kabar agenda hari itu, atau aktivitas apa saja yang sudah dilakukan. Bapak bilang kepadaku bahwa ia tidak mau banyak tanya terlalu detil agar tidak mengganggu ibadah ibu. Kabar singkat saja menurut bapak sudah cukup. Yang penting bapak tahu ibu baik-baik saja dan sehat di sana. Suatu hari, sepertinya hari ke-11 atau ke-12, ibu tak kunjung beri kabar pada bapak hingga malam tiba. Bapak masih berpikir baik, mungkin agenda ibu
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One Day

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Just put it here as a reminder for myself. Lately, it just feels hard to be me, to be my own self who deeply cares for others. I found this reminder at the right time, and was thinking that these words are beautiful. The right person will know how to hold your love. The right person will choose you just as deeply as you choose them. You will not have to quiet the way you care, you will never feel like you are too much. You will not have to beg for the love you deserve. One day, you will be met where you are. One day, you will be someone's favorite thing, and you will not be confused — you will not feel like you are fighting for someone who isn't fighting for you. One day, you will understand that it never mattered how tightly you held on to the wrong people, how intensely you tried, because the right people were always going to find you. The right people were always going to stay. Source: Thought Catalog  
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Morning Talk: Crossroads

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I turned 30 this year. A life stage I was a bit scared to enter because I saw myself as someone who is not mature enough yet as people at this age should have become. In the past few years, many things happened, and many things changed, especially my perspectives, insights, life values, and the things I perceive life. Four years ago, when I was 26, I wrote about Quarter Life Crisis (you can read it here ). It just feels nice to be able to go back to old posts because I can recall what I was feeling at that time, what I was thinking, what made me insecure the most, how I perceived life, and how I valued myself and others. In short, four years ago, I can say that I experienced QLC too; I saw my friends getting married one by one, or having remarkable achievements in their life, and honestly, I couldn't stop myself from not comparing. Like, Hey, I want it too! When my time comes? When the good things will happen to me? So, what it's like to be 30? We have our good and bad times Do
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24/7

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Happy birthday to the love of my life. My 24/7. My everything. I know I cannot say any birthday greeting to you because you believe Islam doesn't celebrate this kind of life event (we might have a different view on this). So, let me share a little story about you here. You are the one who treats me like a princess Who never raises your voice to me Who continuously supports my dreams and encourages I can do it Who introduces me to nature and it changes my life forever, in a good way Every time I got home, you prepared hot water for my bath without asking and bought my favorite food You are the one who excitedly asks how my trip is going and becomes a good listener Who reminds me to solat 2 rakaat when I tell I face a hard time Who shows love unconditionally through the endless act of service, and unconsciously, gives me a picture of what kind of partner I want to be with in the future I feel blessed and lucky to have a father like you Sometimes I wondered if you are no longer in thi
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