Savana Rinjani

Yesterday was such a long day at work. My team has been working on a major survey, set to launch next week. After work, I planned to work a little bit on my garden. The chili seedlings need to be moved into bigger pots as they already grow big. I was just stretching myself and then ready for gardening when an email came. It was from the Ireland Scholarship. I haven’t opened it yet, but tears welled up. I was kind of shocked because the announcement came a month earlier, and my emotional state was not ready yet. Also, I realize my chance of getting a scholarship is slim. I have failed. Again. This becomes my 16th attempt since I started pursuing scholarship opportunities in 2018, and might be the last one. Looking back at my relentless efforts over the past six years, I have been contemplating a lot recently. Should I try again? Or stop and move on? Deep inside, I still want to try it. The thinking of "not giving my best" haunts me, and I just don't want to feel regret in

I was looking for some intro for this post when I read my 2022 reflection and found this sentence at the end of the post, “I hope 2023 can be more joyful, relaxed, and full of love.” I got shivered suddenly, because yes, I found love in 2023 :) A long battlefield I was about to bury my dream of pursuing a master’s program scholarship after six years of trying. I feel like I have given my best on each attempt, but the results said differently. It was a truly long and exhausting process. At some points, I was thinking that everyone should have an equal access to affordable education. We could study anything we want to study, without worrying much about the cost. After a long battlefield since 2018, I was ready to give up and think about chasing my other goals. But then, I met someone who changed my mind, someone who believed in me and my capability. And all this energy feels enough to keep me going. So, here I am, proving my resilience and trying those opportunities again, in the middle