A Man in Island

Once upon a time, my female friend said, “Gak melulu cowo yang harus bilang suka duluan, sekarang jamannya cewe boleh nyatain duluan.” (Now girls can say love first!) She then shared her experience when she became the first person who said love. This insight successfully encouraged me to go to the nearest post office, grab a postcard then write what I want to say to a man in island.

Alright. A man in island. I thought this is the time to let him know about how I feel after all this time. But, wait, is this what I want to do? Really? If he knows about my feeling, then what? What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if he gets plain and stops talking to me? I was overthinking. Unhappy thoughts were dancing in my head. When writing, my hand froze several times.

It was a windy afternoon when I stepped out of the post office. My heart beat fast. Hesitance hit me again. I wanted him to know about how I felt, for sure. I wanted him to know that I’m always here whenever he needs me. But, I was also a bit worried if he actually didn't feel the same way.

Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Time passed by and no news from him yet. I didn’t know whether the letter has arrived or not. It took four days at the maximum for shipping a letter in this island country. Oh, what if it never arrives? It could be slipped or fallen on its way to the destination, couldn’t it?

I was laying on my bed on a casual day when his name popped up on my phone. Ah, this is it. I knew someday he will respond to my sincere confession. I knew he will not let any woman wait for an uncertain thing. As usual, he began by asking what I’m doing, what is my recent activity, etc. To be honest, having a convo with him was always delightful as he sparked a positive character that could make everyone feels better. He was a light that shone on others in his calm way.

A little reunion had to pause when he told me the news I never wanted to hear. A destiny that I couldn’t change anymore. It felt like the whole world stops and a heavy rock falls into my chest. I needed someone to talk to immediately. I then called three of my closest before I replied, “I’m happy for you. Sorry, I can’t be there.”

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So, Gita Rinjani, do you regret it? Absolutely, no.

It’s a warming moment when I look back and find that I’ve done the best that I could. I do what I believe. And it’s me being me; a girl who bravely reveals her feeling first. This experience makes me think that it’s important to “TRY”, at least once, for something that matters in our lives, for something that we want to fight for. Something that we will be grateful for when we reminisce about the old times as Mark Twain says,

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. EXPLORE. DREAM. DISCOVER.