Solitude

Besides self-love, there's one word that I began to hear frequently during my journey of healing. It’s solitude.

"Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company. Solitude is a time that can be used for reflection, inner searching or growth or enjoyment of some kind. Deep reading requires solitude, so does experiencing the beauty of nature." (www.psychologytoday.com)

Last quarter of 2018, I went through the quietest phase in my lifethe same time I started my social media detox. The atmosphere around me was getting quiet but I could accept it. I felt stable. I had less interaction outside, but deeper inside. The urge to going out regularly with friends became less, just waited for those who asked me first or went out with the open-minded ones. I didn't know if solitude is the impact of the detox or not.

Most of the day, it was like a scene from a movie where someone stands quietly but people behind are in hurry. Life went so fast but I realized I had a choice to not follow everything at the same pace because I had my own. It then turned out that simple or small things somehow brought pure happiness and I started enjoying it as I wrote on: 2018: Life is Beautiful. Beforehand, I learned that being honest and truthful to ourselves was the most unwanted stairs in life but we had to step up.

As we got older, we were forced to be able to deal with ourselves in every single task. We should feel comfortable first with everything we had and then started trusting what our self was capable of. Remember, only the capable ones. I know I was getting frustrated easily if I couldn't find any travel mate at the end of the day or was disappointed by a trusted person. But, those were out of my control, right? So, let it be. Let things flow as the universe works. Solitude gave me a good time to recognize the emotion that appeared and the important one, what I truly felt toward things.

The solitude journey continued to 2019. The quiet atmosphere has created a space where I could think clearer and appreciate people who were sincerely present at the moment, for example, my parents. One day, I asked them to have dinner outside because today was payday. We tried Bakso Boedjangan that just opened a new outlet in Bekasi. They loved it so much. Now it becomes a monthly activity for us. While eating, we did chat and honestly, it was a good chance to chat more often with them like this.

One Friday night, I asked my friends to hang out, but unfortunately, nobody was available. On the way home, a thought of my parents popped up. I then called my mom and asked to eat out in our favorite place. She was so excited right away. The excitement in her voice made me realize that sometimes we put attention to people we think deserved our time while the most deserved one is actually near us.

Another lesson I gained is that we were often trapped by thoughts, assumptions,  or labeling created by our own. For example, I assumed my best friend will be there, in my hard times. Because that was what best friend is for, right? But, you know, I was wrong. It was just me projecting in advance what the ideal condition should be. Throughout the process, I learned that anyone could be an impromptu-best friend at unexpected times in our lives. A person we never think of. A person we are not close to. It can be an old friend, former colleague, a friend from the community, a sports buddy, a taxi driver, someone we just met, abang cilok, or anyone. When life gets hard, they might show up to help. I call them invisible angels.


Pursue what makes you replenished

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