A Man in Island

Once upon a time, my female friend said, “Gak melulu cowo yang harus bilang suka duluan, sekarang jamannya cewe boleh nyatain duluan.” She then shared her experience who became the first in saying love. This insight successfully encouraged me to go to nearest post office, grab a postcard then write what I want to say to a man in island.

Alright. A man in island. I think this is the time to let him know about how I feel after all this time. But, wait, is this what I want to do? Really? If he knows about my feeling, then what? What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if he gets plain and stop talking to me? I’m overthinking. Unhappy thoughts are dancing in my head. When writing, my hand freezes several times.

It is a windy afternoon when I step out of the post office. My heart beats fast. Hesitance hits me again. I want him to know about how I feel, for sure. I want him to know that I’m always here whenever he needs. But, I’m also a bit worried if he actually doesn’t feel the same way.

Days become weeks. Weeks become months. Time passes by and no news from him yet. I don’t know whether the letter has arrived or not. It takes four days at the maximum for shipping a letter in this island country. Oh, what if it never arrives? It can be slipped or fallen on its way to the destination, can’t it?

I’m laying on my bed on casual day when his name pops up in my phone. Ah, this is it. I know someday he will give a response to my sincere confession. I know he will not let any woman wait for an uncertainty thing. As usual, he begins with asking what I’m doing, what is my recent activity, etc. To be honest, having a convo with him is always delightful as he sparks a positive character that can make everyone feels better. He is a light that shines other in his calm way.

A little reunion needs to pause when he tells me a news I never want to hear. A destiny that I can’t change anymore. It feels like the whole world stops and a heavy rock falls in my chest. I need someone to talk to. I then call three of my closest before I reply, “I’m happy for you. Sorry, I can’t be there.”

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So, Gita Rinjani, do you regret it? Absolutely, no.

It’s a warming moment when I look back and find that I’ve done the best that I could. I do what I believe. And it’s me being me; a girl who bravely reveals her feeling first. This experience makes me think that it’s important to “TRY”, at least once, for something that matters in our lives, for something that we want to fight for. Something that we will be grateful of when we reminisce of the old times as Mark Twain says,

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. EXPLORE. DREAM. DISCOVER.