A Man in Island
Once upon a time, my female friend said, “Gak melulu cowo yang harus
bilang suka duluan, sekarang jamannya cewe boleh nyatain duluan.” She then shared
her experience who became the first in saying love. This
insight successfully encouraged me to go to nearest post office, grab a postcard then write what I want to say to a man in island.
Alright. A man in island. I think this is the time to let him know
about how I feel after all this time. But, wait, is this what I want to do?
Really? If he knows about my feeling, then what? What if he doesn’t feel the
same? What if he gets plain and stop talking to me? I’m overthinking. Unhappy
thoughts are dancing in my head. When writing, my hand freezes several times.
It is a windy afternoon when I step out of the post office. My heart
beats fast. Hesitance hits me again. I want him to know about how I feel, for
sure. I want him to know that I’m always here whenever he needs. But, I’m also
a bit worried if he actually doesn’t feel the same way.
Days become weeks. Weeks become months. Time passes by and no news
from him yet. I don’t know whether the letter has arrived or not. It takes four
days at the maximum for shipping a letter in this island country. Oh, what if
it never arrives? It can be slipped or fallen on its way to the destination,
can’t it?
I’m laying on my bed on casual day when his name pops up in my
phone. Ah, this is it. I know someday he will give a response to my sincere
confession. I know he will not let any woman wait for an uncertainty thing. As
usual, he begins with asking what I’m doing, what is my recent activity, etc. To
be honest, having a convo with him is always delightful as he sparks a positive
character that can make everyone feels better. He is a light that shines other
in his calm way.
A little reunion needs to pause when he tells me a news I never want
to hear. A destiny that I can’t change anymore. It feels like the whole world stops
and a heavy rock falls in my chest. I need someone to talk to. I then call
three of my closest before I reply, “I’m happy for you. Sorry, I can’t be
there.”
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So, Gita Rinjani, do you regret it? Absolutely, no.
It’s a warming moment when I look back and find that I’ve done the
best that I could. I do what I believe. And it’s me being me; a girl who
bravely reveals her feeling first. This experience makes me think that it’s
important to “TRY”, at least once, for something that matters in our lives, for
something that we want to fight for. Something that we will be grateful of when
we reminisce of the old times as Mark Twain says,
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things
that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail
away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. EXPLORE. DREAM.
DISCOVER.
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