2019: Finding the Wisdom

It took so long for me to write a reflection of 2019. It's the second month already, but who cares? Haha. So, how was it? I can say it is a year full of learning, dive into a deeper meaning of solitude, self-esteem, compassion and empathy.

1. New level of caring
2019 is a continuation of my healing journey. I keep learning new things while taking notes of a wisdom lies in every phase which are valuable for me to face similar life problem in the future. The process took an endless observation, contemplation and self-internalization involving the art of ups and downs.

The first precious lesson is how to start caring again, especially for those closest to me. Back then, I was apathetic to what was happening around. It feels like my head was densely filled by murky clouds making me difficult to pay attention to people as a result. The enlightenment came from a co-worker I look up to, of whom I learn a lot until today. She is the first child of five. Beside a high sense of responsibility, I saw she practices compassion in taking care of her family. Amazingly, she does it not only to her family but also to her team in office that ever made me think, How could she have so many energy like that? When we went to Japan, she ensured she bought souvenirs for all family member, even for her sister-in-law. The way she treats others gave me insight to relearn the fundamental thing in life: caring for other people sincerely. And, yes, it is a beautiful thing. It is what makes us human.

In line with the process above, I begin to understand that taking care of ourselves first before others is totally important. Once I have good amount of self-love, I'm able to show my care and be more sympathy to those around me. The most noticeable change is a closer relationship between my parents and I. Every month, we do eating out at our new favorite place, Bakso Boedjangan, and having a chat as well. We talk about anything... which is nice!

2. A courage to jump
This year also marked a biggest decision I made after going through a long process of mental struggle: took my hijab off. It was a draining-energy-phase that put me into a chamber of silence for months, costing me a lot in tears. Long story short, I wore it because of my ex though I was not ready yet at that time. Through this inward experience, I learned that living a life based on the will of other is not a good thing. At all. So, this time, I decided to take it off without influence from anyone. It is me who is fully responsible for every decision in my life and will do so from now on. Hijab is beautiful but I believe it doesn't define how religious we are. Our deed does.

3. Determination manifests discipline
A milestone I'm most proud of in this year is my financial status. I started paying attention to manage my money after I got accepted working in Jakarta. I realized the temptation to spend it for the sake of "lifestyle" is high, yet I believe the control is in us, not the geography. After reviewing my expense pattern, I set some financial goals and surprisingly it motivated me to be disciplined in achieving them. Also, I never imagined that learning financial management could be this fun. I think the key is to be aware of our current priorities (identify risk profile first!) and stick to it. Sometimes it feels hard, like, I want to buy this, try that, travel to this, to that, and so on. But, long-term impact is something I keep in mind which turns out generating a positive behavior: self-discipline.

4. A great cure called music
Until now, I don't understand for all my favorite artists holding a concert in the same year and I could watch it ALL. It is totally a blessing that warms my heart every time I look back. Started with my love Ed Sheeran in May, my old boyfriend Super Junior in June, and perfectly closed by my true prince Tulus in November. Two of them I went by myself and still enjoyed it a lot. Each has cured me with their own charm. Very grateful for all the love I receive. (Will share the experience soon)

Most of all, I keep things slow and I love it.

Autumn in Japan

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