2019: Finding the Wisdom

It took so long for me to write a reflection on 2019. It's the second month already, but who cares? Haha. So, how was it? I can say it was a year full of learning, diving into a deeper meaning of solitude, self-esteem, compassion, and empathy.

1. New level of caring
2019 was a continuation of my healing journey. I kept learning new things while taking notes of wisdom lies in every phase which was valuable for me to face similar life problems in the future. The process took endless observation, contemplation, and self-internalization involving the art of ups and downs.

The first precious lesson was how to start caring again, especially for those closest to me. Back then, I was apathetic to what was happening around me. It felt like my head was densely filled with murky clouds making me difficult to pay attention to people as a result. The enlightenment came from a co-worker I look up to, from whom I learn a lot until today. She is the first child of five. Besides a high sense of responsibility, I saw she practices compassion in taking care of her family. Amazingly, she does it not only to her family but also to her team in the office that ever made me think, How could she have so much energy like that? When we went to Japan, she ensured she bought souvenirs for all family members, even for her sister-in-law. The way she treated others gave me the insight to relearn the fundamental thing in life: caring for other people sincerely. And, yes, it was a beautiful thing. It was what made us human.

In line with the process above, I begin to understand that taking care of ourselves first before others was totally important. Once I had a good amount of self-love, I was able to show my care and be more sympathetic to those around me. The most noticeable change was the closer relationship between my parents and me. Every month, we did eating out at our new favorite place, Bakso Boedjangan, and had a chat as well. We talked about anything... which was nice!

2. A courage to jump
This year also marked the biggest decision I made after going through a long process of mental struggle: took my hijab off. It was a draining-energy phase that put me into a chamber of silence for months, costing me a lot of tears. Long story short, I wore it because of my ex, although I was not ready yet at that time. Through this inward experience, I learned that living a life based on the will of others was not a good thing. At all. So, this time, I decided to take it off without any influence from anyone. It was me who was fully responsible for every decision in my life and would do so from now on. Hijab is beautiful but I believe it doesn't define how religious we are. Our deed does.

3. Determination manifests discipline
A milestone I'm most proud of this year is my financial status. I started paying attention to managing my money after I got accepted to work in Jakarta. I realized the temptation to spend it for the sake of "lifestyle" was high, yet I believed the control was in us, not the geography. After reviewing my expense pattern, I set some financial goals and surprisingly it motivated me to be disciplined in achieving them. Also, I never imagined that learning financial management could be this fun. I think the key was to be aware of our current priorities (identify risk profile first!) and stick to them. Sometimes it felt hard, like, I want to buy this, try that, travel to this, to that, and so on. But, the long-term impact was something I kept in mind which turns out to generate a positive behavior: self-discipline.

4. A great cure called music
Until now, I still couldn't believe that all my favorite artists holding a concert in the same year and I could watch it ALL. It was totally a blessing that warmed my heart every time I looked back. Started with my love Ed Sheeran in May, my old boyfriend Super Junior in June, and perfectly closed by my true prince Tulus in November. Two of them I went by myself and still enjoyed it a lot. Each had cured me with their own charm. Very grateful for all the love I received. (Will share the experience soon)

Most of all, I kept things slow and I loved it.


Autumn in Japan

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