2024: A Wolf in Me
This year, I felt I grew as a person and saw the
world a little differently than before. Despite the unpleasant things that happened, I’m grateful for
the presence of love in my life.
Health journey
In February, I got hospitalized for 5 days due
to ISPA (upper respiratory tract infection). It started when I felt pain all
over my body, especially nerves, and after that, fever came. The symptoms were a bit confusing at first. I guessed it was
typhoid, as I had been hospitalized sooo many times for it when I was a kid. However,
the lab results confirmed ISPA. Never ever in my life I got this illness. But I
tell you, it was awful! I still had no idea where I caught the virus. My assumption
is from a work visit to BSD a few weeks before. They said BSD is the most polluted
city in Jabodetabek, but who knows.
Another health issues I faced was my wisdom
teeth. One of them was not in a good position; really deep and difficult to remove. After
3 hours of extraction, my dentist decided to stop. A small part of the tooth was still
there, so I needed to come back in 3 months. The post-surgery pain was
terrible and I hated it, and to be honest, I didn’t want to do it again, but I had no choice :(
An old struggle
This year marked the sixteenth times I
applied for scholarships abroad. Hahaha, banyak ye. One part of me wanted to
give up, while another told me to keep trying. At first, I thought to stop
because it was exhausting and often felt hopeless, but I didn’t want to look
back and regret things I didn’t do. I wrote this as a reminder if I get one in
the future. But if not, I already know what I will be doing at that time (yep,
gardening!).
Trying new stuff
Trying new stuff is always a good way to
discover our skills and interests. At the end of the year, I tried cutting my
own hair and making kimchi. The reason I did this was to save some money
because of the 12% tax increase next year. Even without the tax hike, I realize
the grocery price had already risen. So, I was thinking to apply “DIY” or Do It
Yourself for some routines.
Cutting hair is definitely not easy, it
needs certain skills and experiences. I spent so much time on the first
time, but getting better at the second time. I kept the same layered style, and
only trimmed the ends to keep my hair healthy. Making kimchi was similar. I was
not really satisfied with the first batch (cabbage was too wilted, and I put too much
ginger), but the second time was successful. Now, I am working on achieving the kimchi taste that I like: not too sour and a bit sweeter.
A wolf in me
This year has brought a change in me, in a
positive way. I have found myself a little bit more confident in expressing opinions, even if my thoughts are different with what most people have. In this society, saying the truth is something difficult to do. Also, because at some points, you can feel the inequality
when you talk, especially if you are a girl or you are young. Oh, you are both?
Congrats. Now I reach a point where I’m fine with being disliked by others.
They said that when we grow into a better version of ourselves, we will feel uncomfortable, because we are used to our comfort zone. Also, as a Javanese, the culture is a total opposite. Expressing opinions, especially to elders, could be seen as disrespectful or rebellious. Thus, it took quite a long time for me to become a more direct and straightforward person. But, in the end, I am happier than before! I feel like I’m true to myself. There is one Czech proverb that I like,
“I am not a chocolate that everyone will like.”
I hope 2025 will be more relaxing, content, and healthy.
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| One of my bucket lists: Song Nho Que, Vietnam |
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